Sitting on the couch at dear mother’s and counting down the minutes, they are ticking by very slowly today. Of course I woke up super early without being able to go back to sleep!
Today is the day for my fathers funeral and I wish that this day could be over and done with, I don’t want to go to the church, I don’t want to sit there and stare at the coffin that contain what used to be my father. I don’t want to sit and listen to my dads favorite music as we say a final farewell.
I have been feeling pretty alright over the past three weeks, a bit lost, still alright. Today I don’t! It becomes so real, attending a funeral make you understand that the person will never come back, so no more denial possible!
The other day, I was sitting in Malmö thinking that if I don’t take the train to Gotham, if I just don’t go there, then it wont happen and he wont be gone. Of course it doesn’t work that way, and it is un-avoidable!
So today, there will be a funeral, my dad will be gone forever and then it will be time to move forward with life!
I think it will be a beautiful funeral, I think there will be plenty of people and I think that afterwards there will be plenty of beautiful memories shared. I think that I will cry plenty (should remember to bring some tissues). I think that I will feel the need to blog about it again later tonight, the writing eases the pain a little bit.
Then, it will be time to look forward towards the future, a future so bright that I need sunglasses in order to not get blinded!