Grown-up Stuff

The wait didn’t kill me!

The phone did ring with news, not on the agreed day but the day after, not fun at all! The news weren’t bad, as I didn’t get a no to the job, what I did get was a bunch of new meetings, interviews and tests to do. They also wanted to see my grades from university, seriously how far do they need to push it? Ten years ago I took some courses at a university in New Zealand, not a full degree, so I will admit to being less than appropriate with my academic transcript, especially with ten years of work experience in between it just never really crossed my mind that anyone would be interested in seeing the grades of those courses.

So, after contacting my old university I was informed that I could print an inofficial transcript online, all I needed was my user id and password; yeah right! Ten years down the line…who doesn’t keep that kind of information? I did keep all my old student cards neatly glued into a scrapbook, so I dug that out, made a note of student id and student number and then went on a walk down the memory lane. Guess what was neatly placed in the back of the scrapbook!

You guessed it! My grades 🙂 I felt real awesome at that point, even if the grades were the least of my worries. I also had to take a test to show my analytical skills, whoopi-do. It’s not the first time I have to do one of these tests and I know that I should be good at it, still you get nervous having to do them. If I presently had a job, and was just shopping around for something better, then it’s one thing, you can be quite chilled about it. When you don’t have a job, really want a job, and know that this is for a job that sounds real interesting, then you get nervous because you have the chance of blowing that same job in about 40 minutes of testing.

All this happened end last week, Friday morning I had another session with the recruiter for some follow-up questions and handing over of the magical grades as well as receiving some additional information; this job was supposed to be a rental job until February next year, however after meeting me they are considering giving me a permanent contract from day one, thus all the extra testing and interviews.

The tests went well, the additional information given, now we are again waiting. Based on this information I will or will not meet with the bosses boss this coming week (another person to charm) and by Friday we should know if I have a job or not. Also, come this Friday I will share more information of the actual job 🙂

So all, please keeping those fingers crossed for a few more days, it seems to have worked this far!

Always look at the bright side of life

The wait is killing me!

Yesterday I was at an interview for a job that I think would be perfect for me, and me perfect for. So now I’m waiting to hear back from the recruiter as to whether or not the job is mine. This waiting is awful since I thought the interview went well, and that I have a fair chance to getting the job. I won’t know though, until I receive the feedback, and it’s killing me! Yes or no, I want to know now!

I think they say that no news are good news, and I’m sticking to that. On the other hand I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, then I would just get so disappointed if the job isn’t mine.

Still, all I can do is wait! And patience is a virtue!

Riding My Bike

Things you might or might not want to see

I finally got around to update the other blog on the topic of a 100k bike race, there is also pictures, of me, looking awesome! Like this one;

If you wanna see more, you can find it here (i.e by clicking on the here).

Books

I Kroppen Min – Kristian Gidlund

Warning, contains spoilers!

The first thing I did when I finished this book was to go on google to find out what the ending was. For those who do not understand the beautiful language of Swedish, the title of this book pretty much means In my body. When Kristian Gidlund was diagnosed with cancer he started writing a blog about what was going on with his body, his mind and a world that is only his. I remember this blog from about a year ago, I also remember that I stopped reading it for the simple reason that my dad was dying, he was also sick and I didn’t have room for another sick person in my life, and the way that Kristian writes, he becomes a part of your life.

I never would have chosen to read this book, it’s not a topic I would like to read about really, however now when it’s done, I might or might not be happy that I read it. I just finished it a few minutes ago so I’m not completely decided yet. So why did I read it? Quite simple actually! The morning paper in my old home town has started a virtual book club, where one of my fellow blogging friends became a resident member. They have set it up so that they have five of those, that got their picture in the paper and all, they make regular commentary each week, however we regular mortals are welcome to comment as well. So, to give me something fun to do, I decided to get the books and read along, making comments if I felt for it. This book was their first pick (so much for the fun).

I picked it up this afternoon, then went to Subway for lunch, sat down with my sandwich, started reading, and then pretty much burst into tears. I finished my sandwich pretty quickly, as well as cancelling the plan of reading the book in the park. I think I needed to do my crying in private as well as I realized that would do a lot of crying while reading.

SubwayI went home, I sat down in my kitchen window and I read the first part of the book, and all the time I thought about my dad. I was wondering if the pain that Kristian talked about in relation to his treatments were anything like the pains that my dad had. Was it that bad? Was it that horrible? Why didn’t I ask? Why didn’t I take a bigger interest in how it was for him to be so sick. Kristian talks about a person that he used to be and the person he was now. Was that how dad felt as well? As his decease progresses it feels like my heart is being slowly ripped out of my body, the decline, the weight loss, the lack of appetite, the hopelessness.

I was thinking, as a daughter, as a family member, would I have wanted that my dad wrote about what he was going through with such detail? The answer is no, I wouldn’t want to know. Seeing how painful it was for him was enough, knowing all that went on in his head at that time, I don’t think that I would have been able to handle it. Please note that I’m not passing any judgement on Kristian here, I think that he has shown a great strength in being able to put into words what no one wants to pretend exists, and then not only putting into words but also sharing it with all of us.

Sitting in the burning sun, crying, sweating, drinking cold coffee I reach the point in the book that you wish for, the reason why you keep reading, why you take the pain, why you turn to the next page, and the next pain. You reach the point when he stops writing, when he closes the blog, when the cancer is gone. You smile, you release a breath that you didn’t know that you were holding, then! Then you realize that you have only read  half the book! I put the book down then, needing a break, not sure that I was going to pick it back up and read the rest.

At this point he has already crushed one of my illusions. Live today! Live like there is no tomorrow! Live now! If you do that, then the day it’s time to go, you are done and ready. He describes that he did that, then he got sick and then it’s not possible to live in the now anymore, now you have to plan for tomorrow. Then what is the point?

During my break I ate some food, played some Facebook games, watch a couple of Top Chef episodes and went for a long bike ride next to a running Miss T. The damn book was right there, haunting me, calling me. I had to pick it back up. Now it was to cold to sit in the kitchen window, so I moved to my reading chair. Got myself some snacks, and OJ. I opened Spotify for the first time in a long time and found a play list that meant absolutely nothing to me. I didn’t want to read the rest of this book with music that meant something to me in the background, or music that I will hear often. Music and emotions go to well together. I don’t want to hear a song a month from now that will bring me back to this moment and make me sad. After all the preparations were done, I sat down, opened the book and started on part two.¨Reading chairI considered while I continued in to the world of Kristians, if it was to early for me to read this book, to close to the loss of my dad. Maybe I feel it so intently because it’s to close to heart. Then I realized that you will never be ready to read a book like this after you lost someone because of a horrible decease that slowly eat at the person you love while all you can do is watch. At least we didn’t have a false start at a new life, a healthy life. Part two, the cancer came back and this time there was no way of beating it, a young man, younger than me, was doomed to death and all he could do was go along for the ride.

The writing is different in part two, in part one there was still hope. Part one was more a description, part two is a farewell aswell as an attempt to a farewell. One of the parts that captured me was the pure explanation as to how you really and properly breaks someones heart.

And to know that you one day – because of a disease that lances and spears – no longer will be there for your family, despite what you promised at the farewell, that, my friends – my sinners and saints – is how you properly break a heart for real. 

His family is there all the time, his siblings are a constant support, they seem strong, it might be that he doesn’t want to share all their tears with the world, only his own. The ones that he leaves behind. This book made me wonder, how really suffers the most? The leaver or the left behind? I’m starting to believe that it might be the leaver. I know my dad didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to leave at all, and that is why he stayed for so much longer than the doctors thought he would.

While he is writing this blog, that now became the book, he let his family know what’s going on in his head. I never asked my dad. I also never thought about asking my mum the simple question “how does it feel to lose your dad”. It never crossed my mind until now that she was pretty much the same age as I am now when she lost hers. I think I might have to ask her when I meet her the next time.

Until then, it was nice to google, because as Kristian was thinking about the last new years eve might being his last, I spent the same new years questioning my choice of celebrating it far away from my dad, as it could be his last. My dad passed not that long after, according to google, Kristian is still around.

And after writing this, after processing, I think I’m happy that I read it. Not only did it give me an excuse to cry, it made me think! It made me remember, and what I remember most about death is;

We’ll see each other again in Nangijala

 

Absolutely Nothing

I didn’t really think this one through

Have once again miss-placed my logon thingy for my bank and decided to go fetch a new one. So on a Monday close to the end of the month I go to the bank at the same time as everyone else are in their lunch break. The number is currently on 149!

Movie of the Week

MOVIE OF THE (LAST) WEEK – Spring Breakers

To be honest I’m not sure what to say about this movie, I’m what you could call flabbergasted. I saw the whole movie, even if I did consider leaving somewhere in the middle, I still can’t believe that the movie was only one and a half hour-long, seriously! Even if I did see the whole thing I don’t really know what the story was, who the people where, you never really got to know the characters at all and you really didn’t feel with them.

Looking back, the main thing I can remember is the constant showing of naked breasts, preferably in very up and close shots, shaking butts and girls running around in bikinis. There was also the gangster singing Brittney Spears, really?!?!

I’m sure that I’m missing something since I’m not American and really can’t understand the whole concept of Spring break in Florida, so I have to admit that I might not have all the required information to understand what this movie is all about. Still, it sucks on so many levels.

It might be that it want to be a part of a bigger debate about the spring break phenomena, in my sheltered little Swedish world all I can think is that it totally missed the mark, please correct me if I’m wrong.

What ever you do, don’t spend the money on a movie ticket for this thing, unless you are a fourteen year old boy who want to see some boobies and naked butts. If you really feel that you need to know what it’s all about, wait until it hits DVD because it’s ninety minutes of your life that you can never get back.

Shopping

Oops I did it again, again!

After BBQ’s both Friday and Saturday night, I was quite tired this morning and was planning to spend the whole day doing nothing really. Then my friend messaged me and asked if I was up for a coffee and I figured why not. After the coffee we just took a quick tour in town checking out some of the shops and then it happened.Bag

I found a pair of shoes, real nice ones and quite comfortable, and they were on sale. Miss T is not the best person to go shopping with as she always tell me to buy, and she did that today to. I came home with these babies;Shoes Shoes (2)

Oops!