I did it, I survived the year of firsts! All the things that comes every year I have now managed once without my dad around. Birthdays, mother’s day, father’s day, Christmas, New years. Additional to that I also survived some of the things that doesn’t happen every year, like getting a new job, getting accepted to university and every other moment were all u wanted to do was to call my dad to tell him, to hear how proud he was over me. I think I miss that the most, talking to him. I miss his voice more than I ever thought I would.
We have a saying in my family, or at least me and my mother do, never regret the things you do, only the things you didn’t do. Putting it in the correct way, I regret that I deleted the message my father left on my answering machine a couple of months before he passed, the one where he told me that he just called to hear my voice. I wish that I still had it, so I could listen to it and hear his voice and remember how much he cared. It might also be a good thing I don’t have it, easier to let go.
As I did on his birthday, I’m now having a beer, a cheer with my father, an amazing person, that I was lucky enough to have had in my life for almost 33 years. That’s a good long time, something that I’m very grateful for.
Now, it’s midnight in Thailand, time to move on with my life in a place I know my dad would’ve approved of.
23 of March 1948
16 of January 2013
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