This Friday morning was the third 16th of January that I woke up without a dad. It’s amazing how quickly the past two years have passed. Sometimes it feels like yesterday sometimes it feels like much longer.
I still miss my dad a lot, I can still be angry at him for leaving us even if I know he didn’t want to and it wasn’t his fault, it’s not like he did it on purpose. I still feel like picking up the phone to call him sometimes, when something real good happens or when life sucks – that’s when I miss him the most. He was good at being happy for me and express his pride when things went the right way. He was also real good at making the bad days seem less bad, and in one way he still does.
I was re-organizing my bookshelf a couple of weeks ago and found old letters and other memories of him, it made me real sad and I was having a good cry about it. As I was sitting there crying, still reorganizing I found the copy of the Blue day book he sent me years ago. He sent it because I was heart-broken and sad, he sent it with a note saying “I have a feeling that you might need this right now”, back then I left the note in the book and in that moment it was so right. Funny how things happen sometimes.
This time of year I was in Thailand, spending the night between the 15th and 16th, the time of his passing, in a nice bar having drinks with the staff. This year I’m home in cold Sweden, where the winter itself is depressing enough, thinking that I should still do something good.
So on the evening of the 15th me and a friend of mine went to a restaurant here in Malmö that I know that my dad appreciated. Who’s mood doesn’t get better from a nice steak on a plank? Well, maybe if you are a vegetarian, however I’m not.
Most of the night was spent talking about parents, family and random crap, the perfect way according to me!
I miss you dad, I hope that if you are somewhere out there in the atmosphere you have access to unlimited steak, beer and whiskey – pure heaven!