When life sucks

Huston, we have a problem!

I’m fine, I really am. I go to work, a pay my bills, I hang out with my friends, I visit my family, I travel, I go to quiz night, I go to the movies, I go to the bar, sometimes I go to the gym, I go running, I go walking, I go biking, I make new friends, I stay home on the couch, I sleep to little, I sleep too much, I go on dates, I read, I take photos, I feed the spider, I do the dishes, I do the laundry, I make my bed, I clean, I vacuum.

I’m alive and I live my life. I live when my dad doesn’t and most of the time I’m fine. Then I’m not. Then I’m watching Greys anatomy episodes in the wrong order, the one where McDreamy dies and there is a girl who watched her dad die and I cry. Then the episode before is on the telly and the people who once was in a plane crash sit and say they are fine dealing with all the hurt people from another plane crash. They are not fine, they are actors. I’m again crying and realize that I’m not fine.

It’s not the first time I randomly start crying because of something that I see on TV, or a situation that I run into in real life that makes me miss my dad, think about the fact that he’s gone that just randomly make me cry. Or just sit down and feel like shit, and feel sorry for myself because he’s gone.

Over two years have passed and I have to realize that  I’m not fine. I might be going through the motions of life, but am I really living when I can’t move past the fact that he’s gone for ever, I can’t replace him, he was one of a kind, and I just have to accept the fact that comfort, fall back and security of my life is gone.

I go through the motions of life and do it all right, more right than loads of people I think, but am I really alive when I’m still so stuck in my loss?

I proudly claim that I went through most, if not all, stages of mourning before I even lost my dad because he was sick for so long. I realize now, that if I did that, I would be over the bitterness I can feel at life for him loosing his. I would be over the questioning of life and the unfairness of other being alive when he’s not.

I’m not fine, however I go through enough motions of life for my surroundings to not question it, I even go enough motions for myself not to question it. Tonight, I solved my problems with a big batch of popcorn (of course with cayenne pepper as my Favourite Latte Mum thought me),

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Life like in the stoneage

Off-line #2

Day two without data on my phone went surprisingly smooth, the bus from my Favorite Latte Mum’s place had free Wi-Fi and from the bus stop to the office it was a short bike ride, where data wasn’t needed really. Arriving in the office I just hooked my phone up to the office Wi-Fi and the day was sorted. Leaving the office I just had to revert back to good old texting rather than free messenger services, and with free unlimited texting that’s no issue.

The trauma kicked in when I got home to turn on my PC and remembered the text I received from my mother while on my way  home from Gotham, my power cord was still there. The PC was dead! I will get my power cord back on Friday, as long as mother dearest remember to bring it, and Friday is tomorrow. The timing is pretty off though as it’s pay day here in Sweden (for some of us at least) tomorrow and I need to go through my budget and transfer money from the account I get my money into, to the account where I keep my spending money. Of course I haven’t been smart enough to save my budget in the cloud, so I can sort that until I receive my power cord. Problem being that this will happen at the summer-house and guess what, we don’t have any Wi-Fi there.

It’s going to be an interesting weekend, I’ll tell you that! But I can do it, I will not pay my cell phone provider any more money for data, I still think they are trying to rip me off.

Quality of Life

Pajama Party

As her hubby was away for a conference I saw the chance of some quality time with my Favorite Latte Mum, thus after work I jumped on a bus to the middle of nowhere, the things you do for your friends. Well, it wasn’t that rough I have to say as it started with quality time along with the little kids before dinner, which was a long parade of sandwiches. As I seldom have that many toppings at home for my sandwiches (butter mostly, if I’ve seen my mother recently there might be some liver pate) I had to try all of them, along with the different kinds of bread.wpid-dsc_0754.jpg wpid-dsc_0759.jpg wpid-dsc_0758.jpg wpid-dsc_0757.jpg wpid-dsc_0756.jpg wpid-dsc_0755.jpg

After dinner it was time to put the kids away, this is where I took the time to borrow Latte Mum’s iPad for some internet, due to my lack of connectivity. For us child-free people, bedtime seem like an enormous chore, do kids ever want to sleep when it’s time for bed? And seeing more than one mother fall asleep together with their children while putting them to bed doesn’t want me to have children anymore I can tell you that. Latte Mum survived bedtime without falling asleep and we settled down for some movie time.

Of course you need popcorn when watching a movie, and I learned something new, popcorn with cayenne pepper is da bomb! I will eat that I again.wpid-dsc_0761.jpg  wpid-dsc_0762.jpg

Movie of choice this evening was the Lunch Box, and it’s such a sweet movie that made me want two things, one – cook! Two – one of those lunch boxes, so if any of my old colleagues that travel regularly to India want to get me one on a trip over that would be highly appreciated. The movie was fab until the end, and that might be because we are so spoilt with Hollywood movies, this isn’t and therefore ends accordingly.wpid-dsc_0764.jpg

Another good thing with hanging out with parents to small children, they need to go to bed in a decent hour which mean that I won’t stay up all night either so when the alarm went off the morning after, I was quite fresh. Still arrived at work around my usual time though due to the bus ride – I do not miss commuting, I tell you that!

Life like in the stoneage

Connectivity problems #1

Sitting in the office on a pretty normal Tuesday, I suddenly receive a text message from my cellphone provider. They claim that I have used all my data for this month, and if I want to continue to surf the web I need to pay money to get more.wpid-wp-1429695953498.jpeg

As I changed my plan not that long ago, when I got my new phone, it also came with more data than I had before. I thought it was silly because I never really managed to use all the data then. I can’t say that I’ve changed my surfing behavior that much (i.e. still addicted to social media, but not more addicted to social media) so I find it strange that I reached my limit. Thus, I refuse to spend money on more data. Instead I see this as a challenge, with ten days to go of the month I can survive, or can I?

It started already the same afternoon, when I were to head out on the countryside and realized that I didn’t know which bus I was supposed to be on. I had memorized the time it was due to leave however not the number, so I just had to call my Favorite Latte Mum and ask, in comparison with data I have unlimited free calls on my phone.

I’m also happy that I have an android phone as it still come with good old FM radio, so I could listen to music without any of the apps. During my very short relationship with an IPhone I was pretty shocked to realize that they do not have FM radio.wpid-img_20150421_161504.jpg

There was also free wi-fi on the bus. How hard can life be without data on your phone? Well, I survived the first day.

Sweden

The trainjinx strikes again

All good things come to an end, so did the wonderful weekend in Gotham also this time. We headed to the station with the hopes of having time for an ice-cream before my train left. As we were in the car there I got a message from the train company that my train was estimated to be one hour late. With my lesson learned from the last time I had a long delay on my train, we still headed to the station.

Of course, with an hour delay we had plenty of time for an ice-cream and it became clear that there would be no train set magically appearing this time around. wpid-dsc_0739.jpgMy mother stayed with me for a while, then I was on my own and when the estimated time of departure arrived the time changed, again, and again, and again. It was with a real sense of relief I finally saw my train appear on the platform, one hour and 25 minutes after it was due to depart originally.wpid-img_20150420_171058.jpgAs we all rushed on the train with the hopes of a hasty departure, we where once again let down as we didn’t depart right away, when the train finally started moving two hours had passed since the original departure time. The interesting thing with this story is that no other train seemed to be affected by the earlier accident (no more details were given on this accident by the staff on the train) and where running as normal. Only my train. If this is not due to the jinx, I don’t know what!

By this time I was super hungry and spent way too much money on a sad little sandwich, the diet coke came with me from mother dearest, and as I now have been upgraded within the SJ (Swedish railways) frequent traveler program, coffee is now free even when I’m not travelling first class. Yay! That’s twenty Swedish crowns of free semi-drinkable coffee.wpid-dsc_0742.jpg wpid-dsc_0743.jpgI made it home and managed to talk Mr Grumpy II into meeting me at the station to carry my heavy bag home. It’s always nicer when someone meet you when you been away, don’t you agree?

Sweden

Lunch in the sun

Monday morning came with sunshine and the day off, the perks of working half-time. I could sleep in, wake up slowly and enjoy my morning before heading into town to meet mother dearest.

Another perk of having time on your hands is that you don’t have to use the means of transportation that is the quickest, instead you can take a slow twenty-minute walk, enjoy the scenery and the beautiful weather.wpid-dsc_0721.jpg wpid-dsc_0723.jpg wpid-dsc_0720.jpg wpid-dsc_0722.jpgIn Gotham they have a free ferry that run across the river between two stops, Lindholmen and Rosenlund, if you ever happen to visit this lovely city and feel like venture off the beaten track, I suggest you try it out while heading to the Hising Island to check it out. I think that most tourists probably just stay on the mainland.wpid-dsc_0724.jpg wpid-dsc_0729.jpgMy mother had an early class and then stayed in school to work on an assignment, so I headed there to meet her and then go to the quaint city part Haga for lunch. With the sun heating up the air we could sit outside and enjoy our food, my choice of the day was fish (highly recommended to eat seafood while visiting Gotham).wpid-dsc_0734.jpg wpid-dsc_0733.jpgAfter lunch we stopped at a little soap shop, where they make their own soap in the back. I’m now the proud owner of a scrub soap made of grapes, where the scrub part is provided by the grapes kernels. I’m looking forward to try it out, for some reason it feels better with handmade soap rather than the scrubs you by in plastic containers at the grocery store, don’t know why.wpid-dsc_0738.jpg wpid-dsc_0736.jpg wpid-dsc_0737.jpg

Quality of Life

Football

The ice-hockey season is slowly coming to an end, it has ended for the teams that I’m interested in at least except for the World cup that starts in May. So when there are no more hockey games to watch it is time to turn to the football. As it happened my team (BK Häcken) had a home game this weekend so I convinced mother dearest that it was a good idea to go, and bring the Exchange student for some Swedish quality football, or something like that.wpid-dsc_0714.jpgwpid-dsc_0710.jpgIt also turned out to be a derby against the biggest of the Gotham teams, IFK Göteborg. I sadly have to admit that my team isn’t known for having the most amazing and loyal fans, and it became quite obvious during this game as IFK fans had to head to the away section of the arena while the standing section for the home team wasn’t even open. I can easily say that the IFK fans won that part of the competition.

wpid-dsc_0717.jpg wpid-dsc_0716.jpgThey also unfairly won the game, there was a penalty that shouldn’t have been, and since both teams played real crap football this evening it would’ve been more fair if the game ended 1-1 rather than 1-2, however, Life isn’t fair – that’s just how it was.wpid-dsc_0718.jpg

I’m still a bigger ice-hockey fan than football, that said, it is good to have football as a distraction during the short summer break without ice-hockey. Luckily it’s not that long until the season starts again.