Posted in When life sucks

Huston, we have a problem!

I’m fine, I really am. I go to work, a pay my bills, I hang out with my friends, I visit my family, I travel, I go to quiz night, I go to the movies, I go to the bar, sometimes I go to the gym, I go running, I go walking, I go biking, I make new friends, I stay home on the couch, I sleep to little, I sleep too much, I go on dates, I read, I take photos, I feed the spider, I do the dishes, I do the laundry, I make my bed, I clean, I vacuum.

I’m alive and I live my life. I live when my dad doesn’t and most of the time I’m fine. Then I’m not. Then I’m watching Greys anatomy episodes in the wrong order, the one where McDreamy dies and there is a girl who watched her dad die and I cry. Then the episode before is on the telly and the people who once was in a plane crash sit and say they are fine dealing with all the hurt people from another plane crash. They are not fine, they are actors. I’m again crying and realize that I’m not fine.

It’s not the first time I randomly start crying because of something that I see on TV, or a situation that I run into in real life that makes me miss my dad, think about the fact that he’s gone that just randomly make me cry. Or just sit down and feel like shit, and feel sorry for myself because he’s gone.

Over two years have passed and I have to realize that  I’m not fine. I might be going through the motions of life, but am I really living when I can’t move past the fact that he’s gone for ever, I can’t replace him, he was one of a kind, and I just have to accept the fact that comfort, fall back and security of my life is gone.

I go through the motions of life and do it all right, more right than loads of people I think, but am I really alive when I’m still so stuck in my loss?

I proudly claim that I went through most, if not all, stages of mourning before I even lost my dad because he was sick for so long. I realize now, that if I did that, I would be over the bitterness I can feel at life for him loosing his. I would be over the questioning of life and the unfairness of other being alive when he’s not.

I’m not fine, however I go through enough motions of life for my surroundings to not question it, I even go enough motions for myself not to question it. Tonight, I solved my problems with a big batch of popcorn (of course with cayenne pepper as my Favourite Latte Mum thought me),

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Posted in 7 Things

You know it’s Monday when…updated – update

A day that can only be a Monday is coming to its end, first it started, then it progressed, and now it is finally pretty much over!

  1. For some reason the water pressure in the shower has gone on vacation. I’m sure it’s only temporary. Totally over this now!
  2. The moment you shampooed your hair the hot water decides to go visit the water pressure. I’m not feeling cold anymore. That I even cared!
  3. There is still no service on your phone (that you happen to be addicted to). Service came back, woho! Well, service came back, can still not text my friends in Denmark, kind of sucks!
  4. The moment you leave the house the sky opens up and the rain pours down. Sun is now shining and weather is lovely. It has been pouring down on and off since I got home, with a tad of thunder now and then, totally flagging that run I wanted to take.
  5. Your bike is not parked where you left it and after a few minutes of looking you have to give up and walk to workI’m sure someone has just moved it, and I will find it after work. Bike was not found after work either, now on a mission to find the papers on it and receipt so I can tell Mr Police of my loss, and the insurance company of course.
  6. The moment you enter the office building, the clouds magically disperse and the sun comes out. Well, have to leave early to make it to the bank (see no 7) on time, so I might even get to enjoy it a bit :) See point 4!
  7. The code generator for your bank has decided to go bust, so you can’t go in and pay your bills that are all due on that exact day. As I hopefully will make it to the bank before they close today, everything should be sorted before 16:00! Miraculously there was no issues with the train today and I made it in time for the bank, waited in line for 20 minutes and my problem was solved in two 🙂
Posted in 7 Things

You know it’s Monday when…updated

So this morning wasn’t the best, as you might have read previously, the day has progressed so I though I would give you a little update…

  1. For some reason the water pressure in the shower has gone on vacation. I’m sure it’s only temporary.
  2. The moment you shampooed your hair the hot water decides to go visit the water pressure. I’m not feeling cold anymore.
  3. There is still no service on your phone (that you happen to be addicted to). Service came back, woho!
  4. The moment you leave the house the sky opens up and the rain pours down. Sun is now shining and weather is lovely.
  5. Your bike is not parked where you left it and after a few minutes of looking you have to give up and walk to work. I’m sure someone has just moved it, and I will find it after work.
  6. The moment you enter the office building, the clouds magically disperse and the sun comes out. Well, have to leave early to make it to the bank (see no 7) on time, so I might even get to enjoy it a bit 🙂
  7. The code generator for your bank has decided to go bust, so you can’t go in and pay your bills that are all due on that exact day. As I hopefully will make it to the bank before they close today, everything should be sorted before 16:00!
Posted in 7 Things

You know it’s Monday when…

  1. For some reason the water pressure in the shower has gone on vacation.
  2. The moment you shampooed your hair the hot water decides to go visit the water pressure.
  3. There is still no service on your phone (that you happen to be addicted to).
  4. The moment you leave the house the sky opens up and the rain pours down.
  5. Your bike is not parked where you left it and after a few minutes of looking you have to give up and walk to work.
  6. The moment you enter the office building, the clouds magically disperse and the sun comes out.
  7. The code generator for your bank has decided to go bust, so you can’t go in and pay your bills that are all due on that exact day.